chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
