And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
