and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
