Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
