You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you win again, gameday.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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