The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
