So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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