my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
