Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
