I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Never joke about your clitoris.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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