I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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