you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
