If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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