the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
