this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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