I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
