I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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