She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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