I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
