If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
