Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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