I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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