and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
