you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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