Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
