great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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