What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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