I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
