Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
