why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
