If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
