I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
