discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
