It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
