LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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