Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The air was thick with penises
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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