Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
