Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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