spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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