This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
