I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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