I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
