you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
