What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
