Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
