Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
