I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
