All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
