Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
