honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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