omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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