dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
