her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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