The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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