The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
